Say No to The Lies and Redeem your Mind!

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How many times have you said that the devil is a liar? Did you mean it? What had happened? Were you tempted to drink one more glass or bottle of liquor when you said you would stop? Was the woman in the club too tempting? Did you want somebody else’s money so bad that you wanted to steal it? Are those the days that you say that devil is a liar? When are you tempted to sin?

Yes, those are tempting times and the devil knows that you can see him through those things. So? He disguises himself and gets into your territory. He gets into your mind and poisons it with lies. He comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Yes, I said he comes to steal your dream, steal your energy, dampen your talent, make you feel incapable, make you tired and satisfied with the way things are. He makes you complacent; He fills you with fear, he surrounds you with people who say that you cannot. He makes you feel like you are not good enough. Do you think he is a liar? Are you honest enough with yourself in those thought moments to scream at his face and say that he is a liar?

It doesn’t matter how many times you have tried and failed. It doesn’t matter how painful it is for you to stand up. You have to face the devil in the face and tell him that God said that you would mount up with wings like an eagle. You will walk and not faint. You will run and will not fail. You will mount up with wings like an eagle. And yes, you will do big things than you can imagine. That is your destiny. That is how much God thinks about you. He created greatness. He created talented. He created powerful, unstoppable. He breathed life and set forth motion with you. The motion that will drive you to your full potential. He gave you strength to grow through all the fights so that you can build muscle.

But you want to sit there and wish things. You want to lie there and say you cannot make it. You have convinced your mind that as long as you have a roof, some food, and clothing, you are okay. You are not. The devil is a liar. Don’t let him steal your territory. Tell him that God is boss and you will wait. You will put in the work. You will show up every day even if it is on your knees. You will commit until the I Am becomes. You will embrace your pain and challenges. You will get your hand moving. You will grow, and you will rise beyond every limitation, and you will see God in your weakness And right there, there is where you will find your miracle. In pain, in trouble, in the struggle, in the trying, in the falling, in the lack of way, in pain. Right there is where you will find God.

Don’t let that voice win. Start replacing it with the voice of truth. Start thinking of the person you have to be to get what you want and be thankful for you silence the devil. The voice that goes against your dream, against your passion, against your greatness, against your happiness, against your ability. Say yes to all the good things and be thankful because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Christ is not in church, not in the altar, not in the hands of your pastor.

He lives right inside you and shows up to the challenge. The moment you stretch your hand in the ring to surrender. But you gotta fight. You got to run and be at the moment. Become and silence the devil. It is possible.

You will only be truly happy when you listen to the voice of God. When you commit until your hands bear fruit. He said He would be there, believe that. Even if you don’t see it.

The Detour!

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Most of us live life waiting for the day we will be ready. Preparing for the day we will be happy. Saving up until we can afford to quit the job we hate so that we can start building the life we want. We keep postponing our lives so that we can live other people’s lives and dreams.

Everybody will tell you not to take risks. Don‘t be stupid. Do you have it figured out? Truth is you will never really be ready enough or motivated enough. If you want to live your dreams you gotta jump. There is no easy way out. There is no green light or an alarm clock that will push you. You have to dare. You gotta take the first ship that passes by and have faith that it will take you where you want to go. You have to jump and hope that you will land on your dream. You have to take the first step on the dark staircase and hope that there are more on your way to freedom.

What is your goal? Do you think you will happy when you have money? Even if you won a lottery today. Yes you will buy comfort but not happiness. Happiness comes in progress. Happiness is the journey to your ultimate goal. Happiness will happen when you grow at something you love to do. Something that brings value to your life and the life of others. Something that gets your heart beating and forces you out of bed. Something that is greater than yourself.

We keep saying that God created us different but we don’t even believe it. We want to take the path that everybody is taking and get different results. Have you ever sat to think that the direct path could be a trap? If it was that figured out, why is everybody complaining? Why aren’t you motivated to triple the ROI of the company that employed you? Why are you always looking for an exit strategy? Why is the world so damn noisy with complains and pretense of being fine.

When I say take the detour, I am saying that nothing in life is all straight and entirely planned out. Everything happens in randomness; In circles and zig zags. In points that lead to nowhere. There is no straight line; just take the detour and find life there.

It might seem dangerous. You might feel so afraid that you will die. You might worry about the bills, the what, the how, the when; but all you should be thinking about is how best you can live your life without wasting time. Live life without regrets. Live life where your heart and treasure is. Not where your degree is at. Where your heart is. How you can start making news instead of watching news. How you can change the path of your entire generation. How you can excel in your own path and quit living other people’s paths.

We keep saying that you can do anything you that you set your mind to, but we are still afraid to take the first step. We will still die anyway, why not die in struggle? Why not grow in all your broken places? Why not bleed, sweat, cry and fill up the space on your epitaph with life and not excuses?

Start writing down what you want to be written on your tombstone and let your why keep you going. Don’t settle and don’t let fear use you. Take the road less traveled by and seize it. Fail big, win big but keep going. That is, where the beauty and happiness is. Forget the superficial, go deep, let your spirit guide you. Let God and keep going until you see it. Use your gift and have a vision. You believe in God? Read your scriptures and become. Heaven is not for the lazy and complacent it is for those who take the narrow path.

My Higher Self

There is a quiet and real place I know. A place without the chaos of life .Without the hustle and bustles. The place of truth and peace .A place of flowing streams, beautiful nature. Rainbows color the sky and birds fill the air with their beautiful songs. It is serene and each time I am there I feel peace, calm and love everlasting. At this place my flesh goes quiet and my spirit takes over.
I drink from the streams that spring out of the desert and my thirst is quenched for life. I speak to the master and I receive healing, acceptance and endorsement. At this place I get to know who I really am. All the voices of the world cease and only one voice takes over. The roar of the lion of Judah and the still small voice that makes me a fountain of life. I submit to His instructions and He makes my life beautiful. He covers my head with a cap of glory and honor. He delicately takes the broken bones and pieces and breathes life into them. At this place I touch gold with my hand and realize that a lot more is hidden in this earthen vessel. At this place, I find somebody who walked a mile in my shoe. Somebody who was beaten, rejected and abused. He knows shame, pain and suffering .He understands struggle and with His blood He writes on my hands that it is well because it was finished on the cross 2000 years ago.
We talk hours on end about what will be and what could have been and each time he assures me that he has the perfect plan. He says that he uses the weak vessels for his glory. He qualifies me and teaches me what I need to know that I may not boast. When he says he loves me I believe it because He has never failed me. When He tells me that I will wine and dine with kings and queens I know it is true because He does not lie neither does he change His mind. When he tells me to stop worrying and trust him I find peace because I know that all things are working for my good. When He says that I shall be called blessed and the fruit of my womb shall be blessed I believe him because he never fails.
He tells me that he will go ahead of me and make my path straight and so I step out each day knowing that He who holds the key to my future is already there. When He says that he gives instructions to those he loves, take roles that I have so little experience in and trust him to give me instructions and teach me how to do it. When He says that I shall never lack and He will expand my tent I know it is true because he knows want I need before I speak and answers before I ask. This place is at the feet of Jesus. Every morning when I go on my knees and my face meets my mat in humility and total surrender, I insure all my dreams, all that I am and everyone called after my name in the safe arms. I find my strength at the cross and though my flesh may fail me, my higher self is forever strong. Totally sold out.

Against the Flares,Dream again

October means different things to different people. To me, being the tenth month of the year, October is the month of nurturing and growing that which was born in September. Once you safely deliver the child to your arms, there is joy and celebration. There is relief but it not the end but the beginning of real work. There will be sleepless nights, lots of them. You will start breathing for two, thinking for two and your effort will double up. That means that it won’t be easy .It is a month of rest and hard work. It is the beginning of better days ahead.
I know that somebody out there is drowning and has no idea what I am talking about. October to you is just another month of sinking deeper. I don’t want you to be left behind. I want you to take off the shoes of yesterday and step forward like a soldier. Leave your dark room and move towards the window. There is light and sunshine out there and a thousand roads waiting for you to travel. A thousand victories waiting for you. A thousand arms of comfort waiting to hold you tenderly and safely take you home. Dare to dream and dare to break free.
Let us start with the “flares” by the script. If you have been there, just know that you are not alone.
The biggest battles are fought in silence. I must admit that I have written this post so many times and deleted it because I preferred silence but today is different. This is for those who have been hurt, pained, disappointed and bruised. Those who have suffered in the silence of their shame, lost dignity and regret .It is for those who have drowned in the pool of their own tears. Those who have felt so alone in their dark moments. Those who have been heartbroken and feel like their star was stolen and turned out. I don’t have answers to your questions, no one does but if you are reading this post I hope it will be enough for you to know it is not over yet. You have come this far and each new day comes with grace and strength to carry on. It comes with enough light to guide you home and enough warmth to unfreeze your soul. Each breath you take shall heal and mend you if you let it. It might have hurt so bad you thought you could die but you didn’t and that is a good sign .Don’t blow out the candles yet. Don’t close up shop you have clients waiting on queue. You have a heart of steel though it might not feel that way. You have a thick elastic skin. Every hour you breathe comes with new power.
My strength and resilience in life was not borne out of inspiration talks. It was not borne out of the desire to be like my role models. In fact I never had any growing up. All I had were my delicate dreams and enough pain to push me forward. Sometimes I wished I was like everyone else whose life seemed flawless but I also knew that my cup had been served and I had to drink from it. I make lemonades from my lemons. I refused to be a victim and fought hard to prove to myself that I was good enough. I wanted to know that I was worthy so bad that I refused to give up on myself and my dreams. I chose to look for beauty in the ashes. To find my hope and light in the cracks. To find a friend I could trust in my soul, a safe place. I refused to be a victim of my circumstances and sought joy and peace. There were days when the battle was so hard that I thought I would lose but I am still here. My energy is renewed daily and I have learnt not to be so hard on myself .I have learnt to find answers within me .I have known the chill spots and peace spots within me. Those are the places I go to when I grow weary.
I was sexually abused at the age of 8 by somebody I trusted, a family member. My lights went off, the stars on sky went off. The first nail was hammered on the cross through my hand. I was deeply hurt emotionally, physically and spiritually. The worst part was where I couldn’t tell anyone because I never knew how to. I was told not to. The second and the third nail was hit when I was grown. I have fought two other people at different times to the point where I sprained my hands and got physically hurt. The second and the third time were not successful but it became a stamp on heart. A stamp of validation of what my life was becoming. There were days when I thought it was over. Days when the darkness was too deep .I thought I would get lost in it. There were days when I wondered if it was my fault. There are no words enough to describe what I felt and no tears enough to wash away those stains. But I am still breathing.
I have been kicked out and disowned enough times by my own family. I know what it means to feel cold and have no one to cover you. I know what it feels to be alone and have no one to turn to for help. I have been betrayed by people I loved and trusted. I have felt misunderstood, damaged and broken. I have failed so many times, fell enough times but I am still standing.
There is that one day that came and changed your life story. The stories of your life remain just that, stories. It always feels like there is more to it but there isn’t. Those are bulbs that blew off. The fire that went out and it still burns. You might have broken in places that might never mend but it gets better. I can’t promise that you will wake up one day with a formatted memory but it will fade and feel better with each passing day. I still cringe when my daughter is out of my sight but I believe my prayers will take care of the things that I can’t.
Don’t remain in those days, don’t court the pain, fight your battles with courage. Fight for your dreams and know that the greatest strength is borne out of pain and struggle. You might have walked in the valley of the shadow of death but there is hope. You will be okay. Let go of the past and step out into your future. Let this month heal your soul and broken heart. Allow yourself to breathe life into your broken bones. Take off the chains of yesterday. Take yourself out for coffee, get to understand your wounds up, close and personal. Cry if you must, scream if you have it but let that first date count. Close that chapter of your life and start writing on a clean page. Start nurturing your dreams and lining up new bulbs on you path .Watch the stars come up again and hope grow each day. Only you have the medicine that will heal your soul and the key to your future.

Write it in plain,The Power in The Written Word

Speak it and then write it down…

If you are as pumped as I am about getting things done in your life now than ever, then I am sure sometimes you look for secrets behind greatness. Somebody said that the truth is stranger than fiction and I say the secret is in the simple and obvious things. It’s in the boring and the normal, nothing fancy. If you pay attention to the small details of life you will find that all the answers are in you.
I was the quiet, boring, mysterious girl in your class. The one who topped the class in every exam. Teachers were my fans but I was a threat to my peers. I was labelled the snitch who needed stitches .Boarding school at the age of 10 was a lonely place for me but I still loved school I spent most of my time hiding away to talk to God or admiring the art in rhyme, sequence and arrangement of words in creation of poetry. I was chained in the prison of my own life and felt like I had nothing to offer. So the first time I felt special became a moment that was deeply tattooed in my being. It was the day of my miracle. I took a pencil and wrote down my desired exam mark on the wall right next to me. To my surprise when the results came out I got exactly what I had written. It became a habit, my secret fetish. This became the beginning of my many little miracles. I wrote down my KCPE marks months before I sat for the exam and my KCSE results were written in the first week of my high school life, on the first page of my black little notebook. Every number I wrote specific to each paper came to pass exactly as I had written down.
Fast forward to 2017, caught up in quarter life crisis. One evening as I sat on the floor of my house doing my daughters hair I found myself drifting away to all those moments that meant something to me. The moments I wrote my dreams and visions down and they came to pass. The dreams and visions I drowned in cheap talk and liquor and entertained my fantasy with. These ones became wishes and horses beggars never rode on.
This is how I found myself walking into the supermarket yesterday morning on my way to work to buy a beautiful notebook for my beautiful dreams. I call it the blue print of the life that will be. The architectural design and foundation upon which my empires shall arise. I can take that to the bank as a collateral for a borrowed life. I also bought a bunch of envelopes and a writing pad. These ones are for letters I will write to myself henceforth. The ones you will never get to read.
Hellen Keller said that the most pathetic people on earth are those who have sight without a vision. Once you have your elephant and planning to cut it into small pieces so you can eat it, this is what you do next. Habakkuk 2 v 2-3 says’ write the vision down and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time. But in the end it will speak and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it. Because it will surely come. It will not tarry.’
Just as there is power in the spoken word, that power is amplified in writing. When the world began, the world in its nothingness and formlessness was spoken into existence but it did not end there. He that spoke inspired people to write them down and that is how we have the bible and its as powerful today as it was in the beginning.
There is power hidden in the written word. It becomes a sealing covenant between your mind, your soul and the universe. It brings light to the vision and makes that which is spoken tangible. It becomes an evidence of the rest if your life.
Try it today. Let this be the beginning of the rest if your life. Write it in plain and together let us form the world that we want .Let us bring our visions and dreams from the dark and formlessness of our minds and bring them to light and life by writing them down. You will be glad you did. Remember that life is not the big bang, it is the process. It is not the big break, it is what happens as we wait for the big break. It is the preparation. There are no rules or formats to doing it, you can always find your own rubric.

The red light.STOP!

I am always wrong. So are you. We only become less wrong with each passing day but only if we care to learn. I found myself listening to Stressed out by 21 pilots. Music has a way of telling me where am at in spirit. So it is day 4 into my rebirth story. A lot has been going on, my mind has been racing working overtime to identify problems. My mission range from restoring my wasted time and investing into my future. I have been gaining momentum and my mental system has been cooperating. I have identified the dirty laundry and have them all in my laundry basket. I have skimmed through them all I k now the size of determination needed to get things done. So I was surprised this morning when I failed.
Alarm goes off at 3 am. One of the side effects of a rude awakening is the way your body becomes alert .Always on the mark ready to go. My emotional brain tells me that today is Friday, give yourself a break. You have worked your ass off the whole week. Take a break only for today. After all you didn’t set up any goals for this morning. I go to the washroom toy with the idea and finally give in. I go back to bed making a promise to myself that I will recover that time.
As soon as I hit the sack a few verses come to mind. A little sleep, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty comes knocking at your door to rob you. I remember that God blesses the work of your hands. He multiplies that which you already have and takes away that which is not productive. I listen carefully to this revelation and it makes sense. I have trained myself to heed wisdom with reverence. Any tree that does not bear fruit should be chopped off.
Dido in ‘life for rent’ said ‘If my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy, then I don’t deserve nothing more than I get’. It dawns on me that from the beginning when God said go forth to the world and be productive. Till the land and get food. He wasn’t kidding and there are no shortcuts to success. There is a procedure. He went ahead to say that I will give you strength to gain wealth, I will order your steps and give you instructions. You will see my goodness in the land of the living. I will also give you the wealth hidden in the dark. He gives wisdom to those who ask for it. I realized that no amount of kneeling and praying will bring food on my table if I don’t act. It won’t cloth my children or give me my dream house. God honors effort and rewards every man according to what they deserve, according to their deeds. Faith without action is dead. I needed to hear this get back on track. But it is not the track that I had failed to trace, it is the way, the how, the when, the important questions that get things done. What transforms desires to actions and actions to the desired goal.
So how did I get here? Remember the rude awakening? Well I woke up and found an elephant in the room that I had to eat. After panicking, anxiety kicked in and my emotional brain said that we have no time, drums roll….let’s do this. The psyche and hype is good for a start. Adrenaline kicks in and you have the energy to get moving. Sadly, this is just emotional .See, we often make 95% of our decisions with our emotional mind. The part that says I feel this and I don’t feel that. This is how we fail 95% of the time. The emotional brain is chaotic and very random, it lacks logic and strong will. It’s very spontaneous. The rational brain on the other hand takes time to listen, evaluate and come up with a logical plan. It works with the spirit and thrives on purpose. It sees what the physical eyes don’t see. It does not only see the elephant but designs ways to eat it without choking or creating a bigger mess.
When you get here, where you need to get things done but they are not getting done, don’t worry, don’t give up. It is a good start. There are more lessons in failure and mistakes than in success. Go back to the drawing board, use your rational mind, he is your friend. He is too simple and a bit boring but gets things done. Get a pen and paper and be ready to take baby steps. Draw the elephant on paper then cut it into small pieces. Small edible pieces that will be easier to swallow without choking the life out of you. Start small but know where you are headed, the goal is to finish the elephant and be satisfied. If I had well written steps and goals for each day, waking up to something rather than everything, would have been easier. Crawl until you build momentum to walk then run and finally fly. Wisdom is logical, it is not random. Be still and start out right again. You can always give up, but why do it now? Let’s try this. This morning was not a fail or lack of discipline it was a screech halt. The necessary bump that slowed me down to perspective and plan. I realized I have the tools and the problems all mixed up so I have to sort them out first and be kind to myself .Learn to use my weapons to my advantage. Learn to make lemonade first before I make it. Learn to eat the elephant first then start eating it. When you feel like you are pushing and the cart is not moving, stop pushing and check the wheels.

Blessings on the broken roads.

Pen hits paper and memories flow. Tear drops punctuate the whole piece. It’s amazing how I can let my tears flow without fighting back. To me it means I am finally free. I no longer hold back. Every time I want to fly I just spread my wings and do it. Each time my foot hits ground I am reminded that I am no longer a slave of fear. I am no longer haunted by my past memories. I no longer make decisions based on my dotted past but base them on a spotless and promising future. I no longer build upon the weak and broken foundations. I know cracks when I see them. Been there long enough to know just when it’s about to fall. I empathize and listen more because I chose to be a vessel of honor. The day I accepted to touch the world with my hands, I refused to quit and chose to I give people chances, to listen and to help. I refused to give up on myself .I refused to give up on my dreams. I always said there is another way, a better way, a less painful way. I only need to find it and use it. Finding it is never easy but it’s simple. You have to scratch the surface, bleed a little, and dig deeper. The gold is hidden in depth. It’s the ice hidden at the bottom of the sundae not the cherry at the top.
It wasn’t always that way. It took a rock bottom, crawling and fighting my way out of the smudge. The dingy holes I called home. The lonely and the dark corners that gave me solace. I promised myself not to write many sad notes .It is a commitment I don’t intend to keep. Life has a lot of those. The sad moments that mould us. The struggles and trials that give us wings. The mistakes that give us wisdom. Along the broken road we get lost and confused but eventually get home.
I walked into the bar and sat at my usual spot. The waiter came to take my order and I asked for the usual. Two shots of tequila and two shots of viceroy. I always wanted to sound like the people in the movies and tell that guy to make sure he served it filthy but I didn’t care how I sounded or how well balanced my tears were. The urgency to silence the voices in my head was more pressing than the queer look I receives each time I walked into that 3 star hotel. I always felt like the attendant wanted to ask me questions. I mastered the art of faking smiles but the emo code I wore spoke pain, desperation and hopelessness. I would gulp down my drink so fast, eat the lemon and wait for the chemical in my bloodstream to kick in as I stare at the guy at the counter before I left. I wore 6 inch heels and red lipstick while on missions like these. It felt dangerous and gave me a power that I thought I didn’t have in real life. I secretly envied those who smoked blunts at the bar corners and danced the night away in clubs. That, to me, looked like expression .Something I craved but never had the courage to do. I resolved to find comfort in my pain. Travelling the broken roads alone .I walked the lonely boulevard of broken dreams .It was so dark in there I couldn’t let anyone in. I bled in silence, hemorrhaged on poisonous thoughts until the safest place I knew was a place of doubt and self-defeat.
During the day, I was the brilliant girl who had a job at 17.The morality poster many parents referred their kids to. During the day I was encouraging somebody not to give up, I was mentoring a kid to be better and reach their goals. During the day I was the most efficient employee, the cool friend who knew the latest rock bands and hip hop hits, the latest animation hitting the screens and the new lingo in town. I was the girl who knew how to have fun and had leads to most hang out joints. These feelings make me smile too. In the evening when the curtains came down, the play also ended. I had to tear down the facades of strength and grip. I had to change out of the costumes and like a drug retreat to the only world I truly understood. I roamed and courted the streets at night, I dated and played the rooftops. I loved the comfort of the dark because it felt safe. Even though I was without a mask, the cover of the night was my accomplist.It hid my scars really well and only shared the feeling with the lady in the bottles. I wrote a few death notes, discovered a few corners of first and Amistad. I would read the notes and find that they were too awesome to be left behind, so I stayed on. Each day I faded away, I grew cold and selfish. Careless but not enough to let people in careless enough not to see how many chances I had at life. Careless enough not to see that life had chosen me. Careless enough not to embrace the big person in me who achieved anything she put her mind to. I was careless enough to the point that I attracted thugs and criminals into my life. They say misery loves company. I always hosted anything that looked like it. If it smells and looks like shit, then it probably is. It smelled and tasted like garbage in there and I could attract likes from a distant, the flies love it rotten .The sick syndrome. Maybe one day I will write about the road that led me here.
Those who know me now know the difference between the person above and the person I am now. I am a strong and undefeated. My smiles have meanings. I hit every bend and red light with my hand on the wheel. I have control and take responsibility for my actions. I try my best to strike a balance between contentment and always wanting more. I live in the moment and enjoying it while investing in my future and that of my daughter. I value relationships and people more and understand that I am not entitled or owed anything by the world.it was here way before I was. I listen to my inner self and filter out the chaos and noise in the outside world. You may beat me down, wound me, rob me but you cannot steal my hope. It is a covenant box sealed inside me that took time to build. I don’t have time for regrets, I bless every broken road that I have ever travelled and the power it gave me.
When my time here is over and I sign out of life, my daughter will inherit things from me. She will read these posts and learn that broken roads are blessings in disguise. It will get tough and rough, ugly and scary but you have to walk it to make it to the other side, the beautiful side. Stand and be the one who will be counted on the other side of history.